Today is my birthday, but I am not writing about that. Instead, I want to write about something more important, something that weighs heavily upon me (like my hips).
I've written before about my difficulty in forgiving. However much I struggle to forgive others, I struggle even more to forgive myself. Past sins--grievous and painful--come back to haunt me, to taunt me, to say, "You'll never get beyond what you've done, what you are. You'll never be anything more than a miserable toad."
What an ugly picture that is. A toad, covered with warts and scaly skin and overall repulsive.
Then I found a quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
"There is something in many of us that particularly fails to forgive and to forget earlier mistakes in life ... It is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and magesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist."
Yuck. Do I really want to stand in opposition to the Atonement? Of course not. But how do I forgive and forget those sins that haunt and taunt me? How do I let go of them and find hope for the present and the future?
The answer, as always, is to believe in the Savior, to believe the Savior.
Joy for today: finding hope in the Atonement.