Finding the right words to say to someone who is grieving isn't easy. It stumps me every time. And, sometimes, to my shame, I avoid saying anything at all. You know what? That is exactly the wrong thing to do ... or not to do.
You'd think that the writer in me could come up with the right words of comfort, words designed to ease suffering and pain. But it doesn't matter that working with words is my vocation and avocation. Dealing with grief is just hard.
When confronted with the situation of trying to find words, I pray silently, pleading with the Father for His help and wisdom. Sometimes He provides the words for me. Sometimes, though, the words simply aren't there. On those occasions, I wrap my arms around the individual and hug her. The tears flow freely, on both sides.
This I know for sure: grieving is a work that has to be done. It is our job, as friends, to help others through it.
I believe you're right. In my experience, saying nothing at all is far worse than saying the wrong thing, which I inevitably do. When you say the wrong thing, at least they can think, "Well, they meant well." If you say nothing, they have no idea that you meant anything at all.
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