The concept of grace is a difficult one to understand. At least for me. I was brought up to believe that we must earn grace, that, indeed, grace is a reward for the effort we put forth. My parents taught what they had been taught by their parents, as is only natural.
It has only been in recent years that I understood that grace is a gift freely given by our Savior. He does not expect us to earn it, for we cannot possibly earn anything from the One who has given us everything.
So where does that leave me? If I'm not supposed to earn grace, how am I supposed to be worthy of it? Another flash of understanding: I will never be worthy of it. I can only strive to do what the Father and the Savior have instructed. And, imperfect being that I am, I will always struggle to do that. I will always struggle to be obedient, to be humble, to put aside my pride and my desire to "do it all by myself."
My spiritiual two-year-old self is a stubborn being. It is still convinced that it can do whatever is necessary "all by myself." What arrogance. What foolishness.
This I know for sure: grace is mine for the asking. But I must do the asking. The Father will not force it upon me.
It seems to me that what is required for grace is our acceptance of the gift. That, for me, is work. I have to work to be humble; it does not come naturally. Perhaps it should not and does not need to be that way. That's just where I am, struggling with my prideful self in order to get what I need and what is freely given just as soon and as fast as I will let it in.
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