The other night, as my husband and I were talking, he told me that I was fat. He's right. I am fat. Knowing that, though, and hearing the words spoken aloud by my husband are two different things. He excused himself by saying that he was only stating the truth.
I can't blame my husband totally for his lack of tact and compassion as his father is the same way. My father-in-law frequently says unkind things, cloaking them in the guise of "truth." When my FIL, his unmarried grandson who was struggling with his weight, and my husband and I were out to dinner one night, my FIL said (to his grandson), "Look for an ugly girl. She'll be so flattered with the attention that she won't care about your weight."
Not only were the words unkind and hurtful, they were unnecessary. The grandson knew he was overweight. He didn't need his grandfather pointing it out in such a spiteful manner.
I wonder how many others use truth to excuse and justfiy mean-spirited remarks. It is a destructive habit. Please don't misunderstand: I applaud the truth. But I also applaud kindness. If it's not kind and not necessary, why say it?
This I know for sure: truth untempered by kindness can turn into a weapon.
I can't claim that I always follow this maxim, but I was taught that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Or, to use another cliche, silence is golden.
ReplyDeleteI do like the motto of if it's kind and not necessary, why say it?
ReplyDeleteHugs!