A week ago, I was wallowing in a mire of self-pity and despair. Nothing was really wrong. But nothing was really right, either. I honestly could not think of a thing I was good for. I say this not to solicit "Of course you're good for something" comments. At that moment, I was too busy thinking of myself to give any thought to others.
There are people in my life--friends and family--who need a hand to lift them up, who need a smile, who need a "thinking of you" card in the mail. Did I do that for any of them? No.
I'm ashamed to admit that I couldn't spare them a thought. All I could think about were the wrongs I had suffered, the things I hadn't accomplished, the hurts I had inflicted. More than sad, I was angry. Hadn't I tried to do the things the Lord had told me to do? Hadn't I been obedient? Why did I have to keep trying when my efforts seemed to make no difference? Needless to say, it was an unprofitable, unproductive, and thoroughly un-Christ-like day.
The next day, I got up, did the things I knew I should, and started feeling better. You'd think that, at my advanced age, I would have that all figured out. But, no, I have to learn that lesson over and over.
This I know for sure: getting it right once doesn't mean I can stop trying, stop doing, stop learning, stop living, and stop loving.
Why is that that we persist in choosing to have days that we would have been better off if we had stayed in bed? Far too often for me, those days are the results of my own choices. I suppose it is as Elder David A. Bednar said, "What we know is not always reflected in what we do".
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